Getting Bogged Down

I've been taking photos most of my life. Starting off with an ActionMan camera picked up at a boot fair when I was probably 6, followed by a small General Electric compact camera when I was 10 from my parents and then later a Fujifilm Finepix bridge camera when I got to secondary school. Eventually I saved up enough to buy my first interchangeable lens camera, a Nikon D3100 in 2013 which I adored. This eventually lead me down a deeper rabbit hole of film photography with too many different makes and models of camera to remember let alone list. But for the longest time I had something to aim for and a reason to keep tinkering and expiermenting with photography, whether that was messing with long exposures, different film stocks, or even the time I set up a pretty crappy darkroom in my parents spare room.

All of this ultimately took me to my work. I currently work full time in an independant camera shop. I got work expierence there when I was 17 and in August of this year I will have been there 10 years. When I started everything was still exciting and new, with different items and accessories to keep me occupied for hours on end. There's something special about talking someone through the different camera options, them purchasing something and then watching as they come back with questions and slowly upgrade over time. You can really see someone grow into it and that's probably my favourite part of the job. The major downside however, as you might expect, is that it has killed my drive to to photos.

The old adage 'don't shit where you eat' really rings true here and if you have a job that is closely link to your hobby it's bound to suck all the fun out of it. I've had periods in the past when I've wanted to go find something else to occupy my time with, but they never really lead me anywhere. However, this time feels different. It's not just that I'm sick of work, because there are aspects of it I do still enjoy. It's that I want to be taking more photos and having more freedom to create things. Something I don't have the drive to do currently. Restarting my YouTube channel at the beginning of last year was a great way to let off some steam from work and let me get back to that expieremental/learning phase with video making, yet it doesn't feel like enough. What I really want is to take more photos and have fun doing it, currently taking photos is a chore for me, and the only feasible way I see that happening is to slowly transition over to doing just that. Less time at work and more time making photos. Admittedly this would have ben easier to do before getting a mortgage as I need to be more mindful about money coming in/going out in order to keep a healthy balance.

You might be thinking, "grow up", "push through it", "work is work and you need it to maintain your hobbies" but this feels different somehow. Before I would have agreed and then just gone out with a camera to take photos, yet I look around and don't see things I want to take photos of. For some reason all of the photos I want to take are currently living rent free in my head (and across a few notebooks) simply as ideas for shoots and shots that, as previously mentioned, I dont have the drive to currently pursue. Ultimately, if I want these ideas to come to life I need to put more of my energy behind being creatively free to make what I want. I understand that it's not that easy but I am slowly working towards getting some paid photography work (🤞🏼) so I look forward to seeing how that pans out. These have already offered me some creative freedom to generate ideas and bounce shots around which has felt amazing, the idea of experimenting and problem solving to find what works. Truth be told, I'm way out of my depth when it comes to be business side but I'm going for a trial by fire here so hopefully I can work it out or at least get pointers from those around me as we go.

All of this is one of the reasons I've picked up with this blog again, I would like to go out and create and use this platform sort of like a springboard to help me get some ideas going or even produce some interctions that can generate leads further down the line. For now, we'll have to wait and see how things turn out but I felt it necessary to broadcast some of my intentions (so of to myself really) as a way to make them feel a bit more real.

If you enjoy my ramblings, you can find more of that over on my YouTube where I simply do not stop talking🥲. If you have any comments you can leave them below or you can always get in contact me with via the contact page on my website or on instagram.